He usually only sleeps until 2 PM (which is still usually 12-13 hours a sleep in one night). that shit is tough. No problem. Weve been married three years with a two-year-old daughter. For real. While I totally understood sleeping with someone you weren't in love with, I never could quite grasp the idea of having that someone be a person He pays all our other expenses and contributes a lot of time to chores, bookkeeping, and general house/car maintenance. My husband let my child fall of the bed when I did that and my child was bleeding from his teeth hitting his lip. For more helpful information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki! Cheating as in the act of being unfaithful in a relationship is more complicated than it seems. Source: Husband just had another awkward few weeks of butt coddling time. He is unfortunately alcoholic now. Im a stay-at-home Mom, but Im lucky and have a hefty trust fund so Im the one who bought our house, our car, and paid off 20k-worth of credit card debt for him. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. Maybe I'm being a moaning mini, but my husband falls asleep every evening while we watch TV and its starting to drive me insane. Reminder to commenters: Don't be a mean person! This naturally means he goes to bed at 6 AM the next night, which means sleeping in on Sunday. Thank you all for your contributions. It's either the husband is too fat or the wife is too fat or both of them are. Hence, begin to take not of your husband and notice why he prefers to sleep outside rather than sleep with you. The Cure for the Chronically Self-Consumed Man. I mean, for fucking real!?!!??? Im so afraid this will lead to more adventures for them without me. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Or I used to. That's what you're doing wrong. When Saturday morning rolls around, there is usually only one thing on most peoples minds: SLEEP! It's easy enough to say that cheating itself is bad, but when it comes to putting the people who cheat on their partners, or the people they cheat with, in distinct "good" or "bad" categories, things tend to get more difficult to parse. I think I could go to sleep earlier if he wouldnt use his tablet right next to me. You are constantly exhausted, and reaching for food for energy, which makes you gain more weight, which makes the apnea worse. But to be honest I hope that if you did try the sleep hygiene tactics listed above then that might help him anyway? He doesnt us want to sleep in different rooms or alter his tablet use. Should I schedule an appointment with a specialist and drag him there? Its hard for us to go to bed on time on weeknights. Sleeps in front of customers. Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), also known as the coronavirus, or COVID, is a contagious disease caused by severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2). Maybe it's like a cultural thing or just different families but I was brought up, you go in, you do what you have to, wash your hands, and get out. I've seen many of us complain about this (husbands not helping in the morning and spending an hour in the bathroom) and I wanted to share how I approach this. What if he slept poorly? To his credit, hes working on spending time with the baby. Were both into video games and reading, both of which are kind of hard to do with our clingy, active toddler. Shutterstock If the red flags are there, and theyve been there consistently, you might want to take action. Were both into video games and reading, both of which are kind of hard to do with our clingy, active toddler. I suspect he has sleep apnea, but he probably also wouldnt use a CPAP unless the doctor told him he was dying. Maybe a morning person could do that, but not a night owl like him. Set an alarm for Saturday mornings - 8:30am to 9:00 am. If I try to wake him up early he is mean and nasty to me, and stays that way for at least an hour after he gets up. Reddit Email view in app comments This article originally appeared on Narratively. The main thing that concerns me is that you used to sleep together but now youre not. I dont want to be in that position. I feel bad when I just fall asleep at night (typically after 10pm) instead of spending some time with my wife. Hes not tired, and hes even chipper. 6. You both need to change your sleeping habits urgently. When I have an ear infection and my daughters vomiting all over me, it makes me really resentful that hes upstairs, sleeping past noon, even though Ive done the math and I know he needs the sleep. Baby woke up at 5am as he sometimes does. Designate bedtime as a chance for sex, sleep or light topics otherwise known as pillow talk. Doing so strengthens the marriage and leaves you feeling rested, connected and satisfied. Elisabeth J. LaMotte, a psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center. Weekends by sleeping past 2. No tablets in bed, use night shift/twilight or something like that starting a hour before the agreed upon bedtime. I take my phone into the bathroom and I enjoy a little more quiet time until I hear him moving about the house. I go to bed every night by 10 p.m. but he comes to bed sometime after midnight (EVERY SINGLE NIGHT). A study has shown that men whether attached or single were more likely to be attracted to their female friends and want to go on a date with them than the other way around. He stays up late on weeknights and has no problem getting up for work the next morning. Dear Husband: Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep to function. Then he walks through the living room patting the babies head on his way to the bathroom where he will set up shop for about an hour. Hes constantly learning and reminds me all the time that the world is full of wonderful things. Every night, bedrooms turn into battlegrounds, with research suggesting half of all of our sleep disturbances in an average night are due to our partner. I happily wake up around 5am each morning to enjoy coffee in silence until my baby wakes up around 6. Also a few years back, I had seen a counselor at a family life network near me concerning my own anxiety. He did not use his cpap for sleep apnea and thus caused him to lose lung function so bad he had to be put into a coma so his lungs could heal. My problem is come the weekend all he wants to do is sleep, he's in bed now, he's also Some folks may be fine with five hours, but others need eight, nine or even 10. Seven hours of sleep is when i feel at my best. My own father would pre-announce it. I put the baby in the bathroom with my partner. (I've done this myself). Dear Husband: Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep to function. Then again if it gets him in the shower nice tip! I'm up a bit earlier, usually by 7:30, kids are up around 9:30 and husband sleeps till around 10. Guess. Baby wakes up around 6 and we have a bottle and have a little quiet play time. No phones, no tablets, no books, no video games, nothing.Get a small alarm clock if you need one (rather than having the phone).You may find this difficult at first but keep trying with this schedule - it will stick eventually. So staying up at night together is the best time of our day. Sleep apnea can kill you, it elevates risk of stroke and cancer. Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. On most nights, we dreamfeed I hear her stirring next to me, roll over and nurse her and we both stay pretty much asleep. My husband is an alcoholic. I dont bother anymore. Being obese makes sleep apnea worse. First of all I want to say that I have a great husband and never complain about him. It doesn't mean divorce. Didn't these people have to share a bathroom with their siblings growing up? 14 hours without water will do that to you. three days in the past two years, when I've been really sick. He not only admits he takes long shits to play on his phone and be away from people for a while, he actually shared the tip with my daughter. Some people can just use little canulas under the nose. He needs to grow up and be sensible about getting medical issues checked out. My husband usually gets up for work around 8 AM. Have a plan for if he can't fall asleep. Apparently, he never entered a deep sleep state because he stopped breathing so frequently, and so was never rested when he was awake. Hes gone from overweight to obese in three years (Ive also put on weight, but it was mostly from being pregnant and Im still normal-range index-wise, so its not my cooking). Every weekend take your toddler into the room he's sleeping in at 10 am. Your description of your husband's health issues are quite concerning. Im gonna be there a while then he would disappear for like an hour with his paper amd read in silence for an hour. First, wake him up as he's asked you to. While the weather is still nice trying also fitting in a family walk together after dinner - even small amounts of exercise will help you all feel better and rest better. We often worry about lying awake in the middle of the night - but it could be good for you. He shouldn't get the kind of leeway you're giving because you're feeling sorry for him. This is both our faults. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist. He pleaded with his wife, a stay-at-home mom, to not watch TV when he was trying to get a good nights sleep but she wanted to keep it on all night as background noise," Whetstone recalled. He gets up with the baby on saturday mornings 6am-830 so I can sleep. I leave the baby in the bed with him and remind him to make sure she doesn't fall off the bed. My partner (daughter's de-facto stepdad) is at least honest about it. If I didnt hear his cries just like husband. He wont keep a sleep journal, see a specialist, or even sleep with his fitbit on to record himself. But over the last 5 years things have changed. First of all I want to say that I have a great husband and never complain about him. Go on. I had apparently said that I was up but went immediately back to sleep and she fell off the bed. by Tanessa Holt. Reminder to commenters: Don't be a mean person! At first, it felt as if we were well suited. I had a sleep study done, they basically told me to lose weight asap (sorta working on that). Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. Yeah I work a 9-6 job myself. This sucks for my husband. I always knew that I wanted to have children and get married young.I was 19 when I met Jon when I visited some friends who lived down the coast. It sounds like he gets 6-8 hours' sleep on weeknights, so I'm confused as to why he sleeps 14 hours on Saturdays to "catch up". Should I bite the bullet and start being his alarm clock? Drinking stock, if not, going out to buy the alcohol. This is both our faults. Ive tried to encourage him to spend less time on his tablet before bed, but he wont. 9 months, and a 10 &12 yr old. Just say what's going on. A+ at everything. Ban all distractions from the bedroom. Regular exercise helps you sleep better -- this is something you two can do together, like even just walking with the kid in a jog stroller. Hell just stay up on his tablet waiting for me to come to bed. What man out there doesn't lift a finger to do ANYTHING on the weekend. This is uncommonly bad. Unfortunately, some, like reddit user MrMagoo21's wife, ignore all of these rules. can you log in to the cell phone provider and turn off his data temporarily every morning? Last night, he wandered off to the bathroom when I went to sleep at 1 AM, leaving his lamp on. Alex Iby/ Unsplash. Maybe I'm being a moaning mini, but my husband falls asleep every evening while we watch TV and its starting to drive me insane. Women who complicate their husbands life by expecting them to entertain guests every weekend, go out frequently or expect them to run the kids here and there while you are getting your hair and nails done will find that their husbands seek out women who make life easy for them. We dont have a regular babysitter so nights are our only chance to spend time as a couple without our baby. This is uncommonly bad. Hes started taking the baby one night every month or so, so I get at least a few hours to just introvert. I sleep 1-11 on weekdays and still need to catch up o. So you're not a "10" in every which way. Every weekend, I plan something we can do together as a family. He agrees with you but is having trouble implementing any strategy that changes his behavior, so you guys need someone to help understand WHY none of these strategies are sticking, and come up with some new ones. Hes a great worker, incredibly smart, and an optimist who balances out my pessimism. For the last few weeks, the kids have told him they dont want to go with him. My father was similar: he slept 16 hours a day (including lots of naps), snored like the house would fall down, and gained a lot of weight. or install a cell phone jammer in the bathroom LOL. I also have to be very careful about my caffeine intake. He drinks half a bottle of whisky every night. Bedtime around 12, wake up at 7:30. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Depends on the person. My husband is an alcoholic. Seconding this, my uncle was admitted to the hospital. But, as every parent of little kids knows, sleeping in When he finally went to a sleep center for evaluation, doctors woke him up partway through the night because he stopped breathing so often that they were sure he was going to die. But lately I've just been so very frustrated. It means hes usually short an hour or twos worth of sleep every day. What if hes sick? From a relationship perspective, please urge him to see a doctor asap for the weight and sleep issues. He even presented the strategy as a life hack when he told her about it. not with severe sleep apnea, no. SHARE. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. Women who complicate their husbands life by expecting them to entertain guests every weekend, go out frequently or expect them to run the kids here and there while you are getting your hair and nails done will find that their husbands seek out women who Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok? Who would do such a thing? No judgments, no nastiness. Also, since you correctly note that there's some extra emotional layers of resentment that he's missing out on family/toddler time, a counselor could help you deal with those. He drinks half a bottle of whisky every night. Hah I just started waking him up early af so he's ready in time. He doesnt us want to sleep in different rooms or alter his tablet use. Fortunately, husband is the same. Kids are growing and need their sleep. I know you said this feels like 'mothering' your husband - perhaps can you re-frame it as a 'family' get up time? But I really recommend counseling to help you guys discuss this. The nights that I am really tired, I am usually fast asleep by the time he comes out for a snack. And a reasonable 2 a year average since a woman is 17, until she is married at 32, is So this is time for Daddy to get up to spend time with your child, or to do other things. I assume your child is up already? I dont want the responsibility of deciding for him. He lost time with his kids, became irritable and stopped exercising. It's a viscous cycle. The baby issues flow out of not working together on trying to make changes. A recent survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that 23 percent of married couples routinely sleep in separate beds. I am so sorry for everyone who has to deal with this selfishness. We both have terrible sleep habits. Every weekend he apologizes for sleeping in, but he never does anything to change it. On the weekend or when we have guests in the basement, we sleep with Little Miss between us, and its hit or miss in terms of sleep quality. Or set his alarm for him. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I exit the bathroom and start cleaning up a little while he takes off for his daily bathroom staycation. At that time, switch off all your electronics, and go to bed. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. Asking me to do this makes me feel like I have to beg him to spend time with me and our kid, like its a favor or something. I didnt know that was a thing until I joined mom groups. Writer Grant Stoddard details the time when, while in an open relationship, his wife gave him permission to sleep with one of her friends in an effort to break her sexual dry spell. Also, maybe consider getting him a sleep study, because if his sleep quality is made poor by something like sleep apnea, then no sleep will be enough. But lately I've just been so very frustrated. Im like well I get to take him when youre not here so no sympathy. lol, no. What have you two jointly tried to go to sleep on time? Yes 7 days a week. And it was something that worked and now it doesnt. Not everyone needs a mask. Without fail about 5 minutes after the wifi isn't working I hear a flush and the shower turn on. He makes me happy all the time. Hang in there love, they happen. Sleep Apnea can be very dangerous, and if he needs a CPAP then he needs to use it. So staying up at night together is the best time of our day. My husband knows I dont want him to go but is doing it anyways. Consider taking over this baby the same as clocking in to work: you don't get to roll in 90 min late every single day because you just really got into a YouTube video while pooping. One or the other of us is always feeling awake and keeping the other up. He used to use a phone to track his sleep, but he got bored and stopped that too. And what do you know, he is suddenly capable of waking up earlier. Ive tried to ask him to set an alarm on weekends, but he doesnt. I was going to take a shower. The wifi is borked? I have to go to the bathroom? When we first got together he didn't need much sleep at all and I would go to bed around 11pm and he would stay up until 1-2am. I love my husband very much. We've been married for 8 1/2 years and at first he would come to bed with me every night. I know a mom.who puts the baby in bathroom with the husband. So here's what WE do now. You both need to establish regular sleep patterns. We dont have a regular babysitter so nights are our only chance to spend time as a couple without our baby. He sleeps in until 2 PM or later on Mothers Day, my birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, etc. Honestly, 7 hours of sleep isn't unreasonable. When we first got together he didn't need much sleep at all and I would go to bed around 11pm and he would stay up until 1 You have responsibilities that begin at 8; you can either choose sleeping in or hanging out in the bathroom. An opportunity presents itself. She was okay but it was the worst way to get woken up. Sounds very regimented, but I need to do this in order to have a good nights sleep (I get woken at 5:30 am daily). Dad Dumps are the worst. Some of the things i see people talk about make me wonder like why does anyone put up with some of this baloney? He's out the door with the baby in 20 minutes. Well, now I just gotta let my husband know about this. You think they would have hemorrhoids worse than child birth with how much time is spent on the can. He always had to go after dinner so right after dinner hed ask us anybody needs the bathroom? I must be the worst company in the world. RIGHT? Neither partner sleeps well, and at least one partner is increasingly resentful. My husband feels most rested getting about 6-7 hours of sleep; anymore than that and he gets groggy from over sleep. Next why can't you do some local research and find a regular babysitter? How can I get my husband to see that his expectations of "his weekend off" is just crazy. I get up with her and my husband gets to sleep in and hit snooze until his heart desires. Ive tried to help him, but its hard. Try moving it up 20 minutes every few days (keeping with the good sleep habits) until you get to a good time. My husband usually gets up for work around 8 AM. I mean its more than just a guys weekend and costs a firtune. Counselling wont work, because he agrees with me on every point I make, he just doesnt do anything to change the current cycle. The very second she starts getting fussy (around 7:30) I go into our bedroom and we play "wake up daddy!". Guess how much time he spends one-on-one with the baby. Plus, Im not his mother. Once in a blue moon will I end up sleeping the whole night on the couch. Sleep a few hours in a jail cell and use all that expendable cash on whatever gift makes your wife OK with the fact that you were arrested for "unknowingly" letting some dude in a Lady Gaga wig named Trevor (the dude's name was Steve) "help you relax" in the parking lot of a Home Depot for $50. That was a questionable decision. If so, what time is fair to wake him up? Hmmm it's almost as if someone turns it off. Fortunately, a recent study says there's some good news in store for people who like to hit the snooze button on their days off: Sleeping in on the weekend could actually be lengthening your life. For the record he doesn't do anything inside or outside of the house either. He will attempt to go back to sleep with us hovering over him. When your husband doesnt clean up even his part of the mess but just leaves it for you to do or plays video games instead of putting the kids to bed or wants you to notice the yard work he did but never says a word about all the work you do, it can get irritating. 27 years later he told us hed do that because that was his moment of peace for the day, he said sometimes hed actually be done in 5-10 minutes, but just stayed there for the peace and quiet. As soon as I wake up, hes back to bed. "Your partner might be draining you emotionally when you spend an unhealthy amount of time focused on intrusive thoughts," psychologist Nikki Stop letting him sleep in. "One husband I counseled was a physician and had to be at the hospital by 6 a.m. every week day. and getting ready for bed. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. TLDR: My husband is a Snorlax. Press J to jump to the feed. We share all the same hobbies. If your spouse has never been away on a business trip and suddenly finds a need to travel for work, that could be a sign that they are having weekend getaways with an affair partner. If he want to shit in peace he can get up before she does. Been for almost 20 years. Whether its because of different sleep schedules, snoring, or restless leg syndrome, couples make the decision to sleep separately for a slew of reasons. A man on Reddit asked if he was wrong to charge his girlfriend rent of $24 a night every time she sleeps over to cover utility bills.
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